July 19, 2002

As I child, I yearned for Saturday nights when "The Muppet Show" graced the airwaves. Miss Piggy, Gonzo, the Swedish Chef, and, of course, Kermit the Frog. True entertainment for a seven-year-old. I still miss it.

Now, in accordance with the 25^th anniversary of "The Muppet Show," Columbia TriStar has created a "before-they-were-stars" flavor of movie about Kermit, pre-fame. Kermit’s Swamp Years is all about Kermit’s life as a child–or is that tadpole?–and how his youthful days spent in the swap helped form the superstar he is today.

In Kermit’s Swamp Years, director Jim Lewis created a muppetized Stand By Me for the amphibious set. Young boys, true friendship and the adventure of a lifetime. But now, instead of River Phoenix and chants of "Chow down, lardass!" we have a handful of green muppets and sassy one-liners about bodily functions. The flick is chock full of songs for the kiddies, but peppered with numerous inside jokes parents will enjoy. For every "poop" laugh line aimed at the preschool sect, there’s an obsessive-compulsive-hypochondriac joke aching to tickle the fancies of those hitting middle age.

The tale begins with a now-grown Kermit, coming back to his homeland swamp for a visit. He reminisces about the summer he turned 12 and embarked on an adventure with his best friends that will forever be remembered. Young Kermit enjoys the swamp life, but having been bitten by the wanderlust bug, he aches to see what lies beyond the marshy grass. His two best pals Croaker (really a pale and anorexic Cookie Monster) and Goggles (a webbed Woody Allen whiner and phobic) wind up on the road to the big city when Goggles gets nabbed by a pet store owner.

Despite the fear of the unknown, Kermit realizes he must brave danger to save poor Goggles, who got toad-napped with Blotch, the swamp bully. From truck tires to insane scientists, Kermit and Croaker avoid becoming road kill as they try to save the day, with help from a bionic-nosed dog named Pilgrim. Poor Goggles ends up in a pet shop frequented by the demented high school biology teacher whenever he needs "specimens." The once-timid Kermit battles his fear, lives out his fantasy and puts himself at great risk to help his friends.

Together, the entire group realizes that friendship is the most important thing and that when you believe in yourself, anything is possible. It’s a Disneyized message wrapped into a furry green package.

Kermit’s Swamp Years gives younger viewers plenty of these wholesome lessons, while tossing in the word "poop" and flashing some fuzzy muppet butt for good measure. (Yes, I’m serious. A muppet moons the crowd. Twice.)

For Mom and Dad, Lewis and the gang have woven in homages to the original "Muppet Show" that the underage set won’t notice. For example, the two turtles in the pet store bare a striking resemblance to those old codgers the Critics who held court each show night up in the balcony. And halfway through the film, we grown ups get a surprise visit from some genuine old friends straight out of that old prime-time wonder now a quarter of a century old.

Plenty of good-natured, toe-tapping songs pepper the movie, but the one I would suggest watching more than once happens after the final scene. A reel of outtakes set to a rock-and-roll cut of "Rainbow Connection" is nothing short of sidesplitting. I would recommend renting the video for this two-minute section alone. It makes me wonder just who has more fun with these Muppet movies–the audience, or the muppetiers. –Kyra Kirkwood